June is Pride month.  For Pride I can think of no better way to commemorate it, than sharing part of my life as a LGBTQ+ person.  So, in this post, I talk about my husband, MADNick 😊  (except he really is MAD for dealing with me and that pun).

Many studies show the importance of knowing someone in a minority group as it drastically increases the odds of becoming a supporter.  It is in the spirit of this concept that I share with you a bit of a window into my personal life.  For some it may seem like a sliver, but in many parts of the world just saying “I am gay” is a very serious risk.  A number of countries still practice the death penalty or incarceration for someone making this simple declaration.  This means as an LGBTQ+ person, I take great care in where I travel personally and have had to ensure my safety in my work travel as well.  (something my employers have always taken seriously)

However, in this post I want to show the good side of life.  I am fortunate to live the life that I do because it has been built on the sacrifices and support of my family and those in the community who have come before me and fought for my civil rights.  Here is a part of my story; the story of MADNick:

MADNick

My husband and I met while doing our Graduate Degrees at Quinnipiac University in 2009.  Both of us were doing night programs.  Work by day, studies by night. . . for those that have done it, you know the struggle to balance getting a degree while working.  A few years later we unexpectedly collided again during a holiday in Provincetown, Massachusetts and hit it off.  It is amazing how life turns out.

This year I want to share my answer to perhaps the most common question we get as gay men:  What was your wedding like?

I feel this is a good way to commemorate Pride.  I think you will find our wedding isn’t so different from an opposite sex couple, which is pretty much the point 😊.  We wrote our own vows and surrounded by family we committed our lives to each other.  Here is that story and our vows:

Nick and I got married in Hartford, CT USA at Hartford City Hall.  We had a very small wedding with just immediate family and then had a few gatherings to celebrate with extended family and friends.  My colleague Vic conducted the ceremony, which made it extra special.  We only had 11 people at the ceremony and spent a lot of time writing our vows together.

As for our vows, they sit on our coffee table, pasted into the same leather-bound book we used at the ceremony.  Each year on our anniversary we read them.  As years go on, they mean more and more.  Some sections we wrote ourselves, and other parts were altered from other ceremonies we had been to or read about.

We are happy to celebrate Pride Month by sharing a bit of our story.  We hope this gives a glimpse into our lives as a same-sex couple.  For those that identity as LGBTQ+, we hope it can provide some inspiration and affirmation of yourself.  We are always here to help and can attest it gets so much better.

Finally, if you know someone who is struggling with their sexuality, or you would like to learn how to be a LGBTQ+ ally, please visit https://www.thetrevorproject.org.

Ceremony

My name is Vic, and I have the privilege of performing this ceremony today. On behalf of Nickolaus and Michael, we welcome and thank you for being here.

They are thrilled that you are here today to share in their joy during this wonderful moment in their lives.  By your presence, you celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other, and you support their decision to commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives.

We are grateful to live in a time where Nick and Mike can express their love, and commitment for each other, with the institution of marriage.  The recognition of marriage in our society not only has spiritual and emotional meanings, but also legal protections.  All of this together gives Nick and Mike the ability to continue to build their family and lives together.

Even less than 2 years ago this was not possible, as not all US citizens could exercise their inalienable right for equal access to marriage.  As our society has grown, our laws have grown with it.  Our founding fathers may be surprised with what they would see today, but the founding documents with which they left us have created a framework where all persons may live in peace and happiness.  As we move together along this path as a family today, so too do we hope the country begins to move, for it is in our unity that we find strength.

Is has been said that the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, and loved for ourselves. With all that goes on in our society, we lose track of this at times.  Love, and compassion to our neighbors, is sometimes forgotten.  The world would be a better place if we all could have love and compassion for everyone in our lives.  We often do not know what each person is going through in their journey of life.  If we could be mindful of the happiness and dignity others seek, the world would be a place beyond even our dreams.

As we said, the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, and loved for ourselves. However, if there is anything better than being loved, it is loving.  It is for that purpose that we are gathered here today.

Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. Spouses complete each other.  They are each other’s confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, and commitment is stronger.  Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.  When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

Today we are here to celebrate love and marriage. We come together to witness and proclaim the joining together of these two persons in marriage.

We now ask Mike’s brother David to join us for a brief reading:

Reading 1 – The Key to Love

Thank you David, we now ask that Nick’s brother Andrew to join us for a brief reading

Reading 2: – To Love is not to Possess

We will now move to the formal part of the ceremony.  Nickolaus and Michael are you ready to make your lifelong commitment to each other?

We will start with you Nickolaus, please repeat after me….

“I, Nickolaus take you, Michael to be my lifelong husband. I will support, honor, and cherish you through all the circumstances we may face, and I will never stop celebrating our love.”

Michael, repeat after me…

“I, Michael, take you, Nickolaus, to be my lifelong husband. I will support, honor, and cherish you through all the circumstances we may face, and I will never stop celebrating our love.”

Michael’s brother Jason will now present the rings.

May these rings serve as an eternal symbol of the love shared by these two men. May they ever serve as a reminder of the vows made this day as Nick and Michael continue to grow in their love and respect for each other.

Michael, please place this ring on your husband’s hand as a symbol of your love, now and always. (Mike takes the larger ring from Jason and puts it on Nick’s finger)

Nickolaus, please place this ring on your husband’s hand as a symbol of your love, now and always.

Affirmation

Michael and Nickolaus, we have heard your promise to share your lives in marriage. We recognize and respect the commitment you have made here this day before each one of us as witnesses.

Therefore, it is my honour and delight to declare you married and spouses in life…for life.